How many more children does this need to happen to before things change????

June 3rd 2017 and the day had finally come.. It’s moving day… After a 9 month battle to have the right for our autistic son to have his own bedroom we are in…

The excitement was beaming from everyone. Bigger garden for the kids and at last no more worries the he will hit his little sister through out the night because he doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want to get out of bed and play…..

Little did we know that this was far from the dream that we thought we had started.

3 Months passed and neither our son or daughter had been accepted into a school. The letter box clanged and there on the floor we saw an envelope from our local council. Hands shaking as we open the letter hoping that this is it. Our children have a school place .

Our hearts sank, not one school in our area would accept our children. Now we had the up hill struggle of explaining to our local authorities the in’s and out’s of our sons condition.

You see our son is Autistic, he struggles with day-to-day life can’t be left to do things on his own. No sense of danger, incontinent just to name a few thing.

By yet up on telling our local council about our concerns they seem to have no understanding or compassion.

Local Council,

”There is nothing we can do you will just have to appeal the decision made.”

The appeal date come and went the appeal was rejected and now the children have been out of school for 5 months.. To add insult to injury we have now been told that our local are considering taking us to court!!

Time to raise awareness:

We contacted:

our local MP

CAB

Children’s services

Independent Support and Advice

Educational welfare officer

All agreed that with our son’s condition, behavioral problems and incontinence we have every right to what we are asking for…. Apart from the council.

You see after 5 months we were offered a separate school for the children. One for our son in our local area and one for our daughter 5 miles from home or a school where they could be together which was 5 miles away from home.

This innocent little boy has trouble trusting people and will not go to school without his sister. This stems from his ASD.

Upon speaking to the transport team we were told to fill out the relevant paperwork and sent medical evidence to support our sons claim and fully explaining that he can not travel on a school bus therefore he would need to travel via taxi with a responsible adult and the fact that he will not go to school with out his sister due to anxiety issues.

Reply from the council:

” Thank you for your recent applications requesting transport to school for both of your children.

I have received confirmation from school admissions confirming that they where unable to offer your daughter a place at the designated schools in you area however they were able to offer a place for your son in your local area which was declined.

Therefore, I can agree to provide transport for you daughter but not your son.”

Frantically writing out emails to explain the situation to as many people in authority as possible.

”Hi wondering if you could help or advise us

We have been trying to get our children school since June we were offered schools for both children either the same primary for both children or separate primary’s for our children. Our son who is 7 is autistic and will not go to school without his sister and if we sent them to the same school they would need transport to get there but our son would need to travel with a responsible adult. Paperwork for transport and medical paperwork for our son was filled in and now we are being told that they will only offer transport for our daughter and not our son because apparently we declined the place for our son at a local infant school which we did not we were told to leave it open and get the children to the same school…..NOTHING was signed to say if a place had been accepted or declined!!!!!
I feel like the LA just don’t want to help as they are making it extremely difficult by trying to separate the children which will affect our sons behavior and schooling as he will refuse to go if he is not in the same school as his sister… ”
After getting a few replies it all boiled down to the fact that his Educational Heath-care assessment had never been completed at his previous school…
The system needs to chance, how can you have a diagnosis from the mental heath team for your child then be refused any help with transporting them to school safety and with his sister so that he can have a chance to stay in main stream school!!!
A diagnosis from a mental health team is not enough for your child to be given extra support with schooling. Even when it clearly states that on their medical paperwork from the mental heath team they have no sense of danger, do not understand how to socialize, behavioral problems etc.
Last email sent by mum:
We have been pushed from pillar to post. We were told to accept the primary where both children can attend together and now we are being told something different.

ISA, NAS Education Rights Service, CAB and our local MP (who has asked a cabinet member to get involved..)
Are all aware of the situation. They have all said that we should appeal the decisions make but i’m sick to death of explaining my self over and over again, getting no where….. I feel like we have been let down due to how long all of this has been going on.. No one actually understood the situation of our sons problems. Yes i do agree with some of the points that you have made in regards to the other school, but when our son finds out that he will not be going to school with his sister it WILL have a massive impact on him , his behavior and school… As he will become physically aggressive not only towards family at home but also at school, that’s IF we can even get him to leave the house… And if he wont leave the house this means that he will be marked down as absent which could then in turn lead to us his parents being taken to court because once again he will not be in school… The amount of time this has taken is awful, generally because of lack of understanding of our son’s condition (ASD), in turn i do not know if our son will be able to even cope with mainstream school because of all the time he has had away from school… It took us 2 years for him to start to trusting people and settle down at his previous school. This situation could potentially ruin our son’s chance of being able to stay in mainstream school due to the impact of his behavior issues and his Asd.”
To this day (23/10/2017) our son still does not have a school to go to and the local authorities are forcing us to separate our children…..
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The fight ahead.

Doctor

“Good morning, how can I help you today?”

 

“we have recently had our first parents evening with my sons nursery and they have concerns.

Our son seems to be struggling in school and the school think that he may well have Autism.”

 

Doctor

“I see that you have been down to the surgery on a number of occasions to discuss this matter and as previously explained your son is to young to be referred, a lot of children his age act out and just need to be shown how to behave.

Here are some leaflets with some parenting courses.”

 

With tears rolling down my face and a screaming little boy running through the doctors, I walk out not knowing what else to do.

I calm myself down and proceed to calm my son down.

 

“come on monkey it is time for nursery.”

 

No response just a scream. We start walking towards his nursery and he shoots off into the direction of home. By this time I can see why this upset is happening. He does not understand why we are not going to nursery from home.

 

You see this little boy has always left from home to walk to nursery and this change in routine has confused him. He doesn’t understand why we are not leaving for nursery from home….

 

“Listen do you want to go home first?”

“yes mummy, home then nursery.  “

 

2pm little man is safely in nursery and my phone rings. I look at the screen and I panic!!!!

 

SCHOOL CALLING

 

I pick up the phone, listen to what they have to say and then pass the phone to my husband as I break down…..

They have just had to restrain our little boy….. He had ran off onto the main school playing field and would come back.

The teachers intervened and the volcano erupted. He had kicked, screamed head-butted staff and tried to harm him self….

 

It was time for mummy to take control and make some one listen, letters from teachers were written and a statement from mum were written. Again with another appointment made at the doctors, off I went with my ammunition, it was time to make a stand for our boy and I would not be leaving the surgery until they listened and agreed to a referral.

 

The letter we had been waiting for had just been pushed through the letter box. Looking at each other we knew what this meant, our son had now been placed on a waiting list to see the mental health team.

 

Our little boy is now 4, still not been seen by the mental health team and we are all struggling even more than what we thought we would.

We have now established that toileting was going to be extremely difficult. Endless fights not only with the medical team but also at home.

The behaviours were getting worse…… The physical aggression from a 4 year old boy was getting out of hand people and children as well as him self were getting hurt!!

 

His physical health was being affected, his bowel has become enlarged due to not understanding the feeling when he needs to go to the toilet. High fiber diet they said, make sure he eats a high fiber diet…

Ever tried to get a child that cant cope with the way things feel to eat what they are told!! Food was thrown plates broken and numerous trips to A and E after people getting injured.

 

Lets take the kids to Portsmouth, it will be great making family memories. He loves tanks and anything to do with the army…

 

“Mummy where is daddy going?”

 

“Just taking your little sister to the toilet”

 

“OK, can I stay here with you? I like the bridge”

 

“of course we can honey”

 

Within seconds he was gone. My heart is in my mouth. All I can see is his minion backpack on top of the river!!! His body was submerged under the water and he can not swim.

Without thinking I grab the straps on his backpack and pull as hard as I could hoping it was still attached to him while people walk past and stare in shock….. Not one person helped!!

He’s out of the river and now in the war museum toilet without a stitch on…

 

“Why is your son naked  in the women’s toilet?”

I reply

“he jumped into the river out side”

 

Her response was mortifying,

“well you’re a very stupid boy, what ever made you do that. Maybe your mum needs to go on a parenting class”

 

I flip voices were raised to put it politely…

we get home and the pressure explodes and daddy finally admits he didn’t want to except that there is something wrong with his son…………………….

The mental team where called to discuss what had been happening. I tell them what happened at the war museum, about the physical outbursts towards mummy, daddy, little sister and school.

It was a bitter pill to swallow but is needed to be said, our son was a danger to him self and others around him with a stroke of luck they got him an emergency appointment to be seen.

 

The day has come our warrior is now 5 and he has finally got his appointment to be evaluated.

They done what they needed to do with our little fighter and then asked me if I would like to add any additional information..

My hand shaking like a leaf I passed them the letter from the school.

 

” This little boy is a concern both to his parents and at school. He exhibits certain behaviors which could point to him having issues around social communication. The family have engaged in signs of safety meetings following a referral to help for families which was initiated by the parents following an incident where he had placed him self in danger. He seems to have limited use of common sense and lacks a sense of danger around his personal safety. He had jumped in the river before when out with his parents, run away from them and has thrown things across the classroom in anger (including scissors), having no apparent realization to the possible danger to others.

 

He will want a conversation to be about what he wants to talk about and will interrupt when you are clearly speaking to someone else.

 

He has certain behaviors which will reoccur, such as things based around the number five (because he is 5), sometimes not wanting to answer maths questions if that number is not the answer, or answer and he hates to be last. He does not cope well with failure and will become very angry.

 

He struggles with his emotions and will become very angry very quickly, becoming verbally and physically abusive towards his parents and staff. He will kick furniture, push children and lash out at objects nearby, scream very loudly and throw things in his anger. He will kick and punch if he is angry and run at someone, he appears to be sensitive to sound, not enjoying the studio because of its echo. He will sometimes put his hands over his ears, disliking loud noises.

 

He will often not want to eat his school dinner and he will often wet and soil him self during the day”

 

We got the diagnosis of autism but this was only the beginning……………………………….

A new life.

The beginning..

There was nothing more we wanted in the world and that was to start a family and so the journey began.

7th September 2010 our beautiful baby boy was born.

Everything was perfect after a long labour and a night in the hospital we started our journey.

Time went by so fast. Year now felt like a week and our precious baby boy was growing fast.

Suddenly things started to change. We started to notice things.

Now at 2 year’s old all of a sudden from no where our Prince stopped talking. For hours on end day after day, week after week not one word.

Say, mummy.

Nothing but a scream.

Come on baby you can do this, where’s daddy, say daddy..

Again nothing but a scream.

Three weeks later after endless encouragement and the health visitor telling us,

It’s just a one of those things some toddlers do to get attention.

Our two year old boy spoke again…

Mummy, drink…. Me want drink!!

After not hearing our baby speak for 3 weeks and then hearing the words just roll out of his mouth!! The feeling this gave us as parents is something that we will never forget nor can we explain.

Our boy was back.. He was OK..

Time had past our first born was 2 and a half and now had a beautiful little sister who is a year old..

Parenthood was amazing, but God was it getting tough. Our son wasn’t making friends and having two toddlers at home was hard… It was time to apply for nursery, little did we know that the roller-coaster had not yet started..

BANG………

Nursery teacher,

Your son is a delight to have in our nursery, but we feel your son is having difficulties socialising and mixing with other children.

Observations started, reports were getting put together but money became tight and we could no longer afford to pay for his nursery.

3 yrs old this little dude starts at another nursery…

First parents evening…..

We feel your son has some problems…. He’s have behavioural issues, doesn’t make friends very well and doesn’t seem to have ay sense of danger.

We we’re waiting for it but never wanted to admit it…

You see we know there was something going on with our son but didn’t want to admit it, nor did we want to accept it…

And now the battle begins………….